She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
