Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
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WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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