I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
