I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
