So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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