i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
