My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
