HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
