My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
