I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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