Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I am naked and annoyed.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
