Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
