we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
