I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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