tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
