i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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