I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
