I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
