Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Sponge bath it is.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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