ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He passed out mid-signature
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
