dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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