The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
