Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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