The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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