I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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