1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
