You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
