I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
