his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
