One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I touched a dick in church today
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize