I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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