just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My hand turned me down
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
