Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
