At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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