Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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