in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sorry about my life...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
