He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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