Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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