i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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