So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Come share oat with me in your robe
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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