bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
well I can't set my house on fire every night
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
