Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
