We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
