That's intense
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Green mimosas i think yes
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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