Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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