by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
