she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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