That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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