I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
