so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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