I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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