True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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