im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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