Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
