fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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