So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
