Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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