it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
