I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
