brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
