omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
be right there i have to get my cape
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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