I wish my penis had an off switch
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
