I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
